Bonding with Preteens

Bille Tarascio with My Modern Law has suggested the important of handing a divorce correctly for the sake of your teens someday. We want to talk a bit about how you can prepare your pre-teens for the best teen years without causing strife at home.

Divorce is difficult, especially for teens who feel they have been wronged by divorced parents. Trying to mend a relationship with your teen after they have reached their teen years is a battle that will be very difficult to win. If you want to have a great relationship with your kids when they are teens you need to start building relationships with them now.

The early stages of divorce can be very difficult on families and often times kids feel as though they are being over controlled and pulled in many directions by their parents and it can cause anger and built up emotions that they aren't able to express in their childhoods.

From the Beginning

Let's start by explaining why teens may feel like they need to rebel when they hit those older aged years. Often when divorce occurs in children's lives the parents fight with each other to see who has control of the child. Parents want to be the head of the child's life and it causes the child to feel very controlled. Ultimately, the child learns that their parents mail goal is to be right when compared to their ex-spouse and the child's interests aren't exactly what the fight is about. Children will always notice when this is happening. When kids are little there isn't anything they can do to fight for themselves. But, kids always grow up and they remember where they sat in the middle of the battle for 'being right' when they were little. They learn that they can get whatever they want as long as the parent they are asking is 'winning' against the other parent.

When the teen years come, the now teen knows how to get what they want. Soon, they won't care which parent is winning, they will just care that they are winning. It was a trait that was learned over many years of watching their parents battle to be right.

What can we do to make sure our kids respect us?

To start, it doesn't matter which parent is right in the early years of divorce. Be humble enough to think of your child first. Never, allow the child to know that you think their other parent is wrong. If you need to discuss things with their other parents, make sure to do it privately without the child knowing. Never, tell the child that the other parent doesn't know what is best. Rather than battling each other for the role of sole decision maker for your child, work together to teach the child that they still have two parents who have to work together to make decisions for their kids.

If the child's parents are equally involved and aren't concerned about which parent is right, the child will have a much better chance of going into their teen years respecting their parents and wanting to make their parents proud rather than wanting to 'show their parents'.

Parenting takes a lot of work, especially in a split family. Always think of your child first and you will be successful in raising great kids who love and respect bot of their parents.